The Nature of Obsession
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: The nature of my love, the nature of my obsession...I must be allowed to think of you...I need you...


A/N: I've only seen the OVAs. Wish I knew more, but I haven't been able to find translations of the manga...ah, I wish...I just decided that since there are so little Zetsuai fics I'd contribute something, even if it's not all that great. It's not very specific about anything, mostly just random babble -- but it was written while thinking of Koji and Izumi and their beautiful messed-up relationship. It was supposed to be Izumi PoV but um, it seems to have evolved into Koji, so...

Oh, and I don't own Zetsuai, Bronze, or anything good for that matter. Ah, I usually don't even bother with disclaimers, because it's rather obvious that I don't own anything, nor have I ever claimed to, but this is the only Zetsuai fic I'll probably ever write, so there it is.

****

The Nature of Obsession

It's too hard to breathe. Every time I try to fill my lungs with air, I feel the pain of a thousand tiny knives piercing my lungs. It burns, it bleeds, it hurts, oh how it hurts...It's too hard to breathe, so I want to give up trying...but I can't. That automatic reflex inside me forces me to inhale that painful, stinging air -- and I feel the pain all over again, so often; every waking moment. It hurts.

It's too hard to breathe when I'm with you, or when I think about you. How can I help but think about you, when I'm not with you? You've taken over my everything, invaded my life with such a shocking presence that it can't be ignored, no matter how much I try. I've given up trying, because I realized that I don't really want to. I have started to like that all-consuming pain that overtakes me when I try to breathe, because it means that you exist. It means that you are still in my life, in some way or another. Even if I have to cry with every breath, I don't care, because that means that I can still think of you.

I don't ever want to stop thinking of you. I don't ever want to be away from you. I need you.

It's too painful to live, and yet, if I die, I will have to be separated from you. If living with this pain is the only way I can stay near you, then I will live on forever if I have to. I will not leave you, no matter what. If you ever leave me -- though I will do whatever it takes to stop you before you try -- then I will follow you, to the ends of the earth, to the ends of time...whatever it takes, wherever I have to go, I will not let you escape from me. And if I cannot find you, then I will surely drop dead where I stand, when I realize that all hope is lost; and I hope that when you die, I will find you once again, and spend the rest of eternity with you. Maybe in eternity, breathing will cease to be painful. Maybe in eternity, in death, I will forget the pain of life. 

With every breath, I feel the sting of a thousand tiny knives piercing my lungs, but I have started to love that pain -- much as I love you. It means that I am still with you. It means that I have not forgotten you. No, I will never forget you, so this pain will last for the rest of my life, won't it? For to live, I must breathe.

To live, I must be with you, I must be near you, I must be allowed to think about you. You have become my life; you have become my everything. I've scared you before with my love, and I will continue to scare you, if that is what it takes to make you see how much I want you, want to be near you, want to be with you...want, _need,_ I need you, and I will make you see it, even if it scares you...But I will be gentle with you, as gentle as I can be, even though I am impatient and I can't stop myself from needing you -- and I will show you how you have taken over my life and I can think of nothing but you, only you. My everything.

I will show you how you have made it painful for me to breathe. Maybe you will have a hard time breathing, just as I do -- maybe an even harder time of it than I do, even -- but I will help you breathe and help you forget the pain of it. I will try and make you forget the thousand tiny knives that make it so hard to breathe; I will add them to my own, if that means that I can be with you.

Is this love? Well, it is my love -- the love that I can't stop myself from feeling; couldn't stop myself from having; the love that I don't want to give up. The love that took over my life, the love that consumes my entire being. 

You are my everything.

I need you.

I will make you see it, and I will make you understand how much I need you, and I will stay with you, no matter what.

And if you try to leave me -- although, I will try to stop you before you can even try -- then I will follow you, and if I catch you, then I will be with you once more...and if you want to be rid of me, then the only thing that you can do now is to kill me -- end this life that I am living in pain -- send me to a place where I cannot touch you anymore, and make me wait in such painful anguish for ages, until you can join me there...though when you do, I will be with you again. The pain will not stop, no, perhaps it will be even greater when I see you again; but I will endure it, and I will be with you.

I need you.

That is the nature of my need for you. That is the nature of my love for you. 

That is the nature of my obsession.


End file.
